Inspire

For day two its about what inspires you. Other photographers are what inspire me to keep going and learning as much as possible. So here's to all of you amazing photogs. <3

Passionate

Day One - My best trait is I'm passionate. Whether it be about my son, my friends, my photography, anything. I dive in and put my whole heart into the things I love and I have no problem expressing it to anyone. I will forever express my emotions to the fullest and be passionate about them.

the love in my life

I want a second baby soooo bad. I think about it constantly. I've wanted one since Evan was 8 months old and I thought someone else was on bored with it or at least he pretended to be. The plan shifted to try for a second when Evan was 1.5 years old then pushed to 2 years old and now I don't see it happening at all. Evan is all the happiness in my life, he makes feel incredible knowing that something so amazing could actually exist. I just don't know how anyone could not want to multiply that?! Its that greatest gift I've ever received and I just want a house full of babies at this point. I'm sure I'll change my mind on that last part but still. Not to mention I'm sooooo incredibly jealous of my friends because they all have two and some counting! Their husbands actually are actually excited by the thought of a new child coming into their lives where mine shuns the idea of it. I just don't understand it at all. I'm so thankful for Evan and would love nothing more than to have a sibling for him to grow up with and share his secrets to and learn to share better and love someone on his level. I'm not sure that day is coming though and it makes not only my heart hurt for myself but for him as well. :/

where do i go from here?

Things are horrible. There's nothing but fighting and apathy all at the same time. Jenny came and visited me and even she was able to call out stuff that I have been feeling for a while now and she knew nothing of the situation. I want more than anything for everything to play out right in the end but I feel like its a roller coaster battle they may never end.

On top of it all, I'm lonelier than ever. I've been living here for over 6 months and I don't have even one friend. I have Evan and Erik when he's around and that's it. I have no one to talk to or pour my heart out to or just hang out with. Nothing, no one. There's no social events for me to go to, I'm not working much, and I just found out that Arizona is going to classify me as an "out of state" resident and charge me tuition at that rate which means I won't be going back to school as planned either unless I take out loans.

I'm lost and disconnected from everyone and everything. I feel like a robot just repeating the same day over and over again.