i remember

I remember I use to just lay and stare at him for minutes on end. I'd admire every bit of him as he slept unaware of the love that was exuding from me. When I think back on those times, I long for that feeling again. Not from him but for someone who is worth it. I think about how badly I've always been screwed over and hurt and it just baffles me. I'm loyal to a fault and it seems to always bite me in the ass. I just want to have that feeling of being high off of love and like you'll never come down. Every corner I turn I'm eagerly awaiting mr.right and no, I don't mean mr. right as in mr. perfect, I mean mr. right as in right for me. I want someone who can communicate and reciprocate the love and feelings I have for them. I feel like its next to impossible honestly. I know I always tell people, when you stop trying it happens but every time I give up I feel like I'm sinking further and further into this black hole that I don't want to be in anymore. Yes, I should be happy with myself but being happy with myself is hard to do when I don't feel loved on a daily basis. I have no family here, no consistently reliable friends, no support system, nothing. I know things could be much worse but for me, this almost is my low.