i need a heart to heart badly...i know that sounds cheesy and all kinds of pathetic but its true. i am hopelessly in need of a friend to pour my heart out to or just to get a good solid cry out on. its been years now since i've had someone to do that with and i'm not sure how long i can stay sane and keep it in. i miss becca and jenny and some unamed people more than they know. i might be looking into heading out there sooner than planned to have a mental vacation because god knows its needed.
in the mix of all that i feel like i've lost myself and found myself all at the same time. i've found something that i love doing and could do the rest of my life but in the process i feel like i've lost who i am personally. i don't know what to do with myself really and i just feel alone and lost with no where to turn. i know what i want in life but it all just seems out of reach and like i won't be able to grasp it for a long while.
i don't regret my son for one second but i always wonder if i could take it all back and do it again would i do it the same way? i honestly don't know if i would or wouldn't. i would risk having evan because he means the world to me and i've experienced so much in the last 3 years but mostly i've experienced it alone.
i just want to be content and settled and feel alive again for once. i need something or someone to break the mold for me and make me feel nervous and excited all at the same time. i'm tired of just being wasted space.
