you say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? i'm not running from you.

I was listening to Venom today and then a certain song came on and it hit me. I remembered all these things that a certain person and me did and it confused me. Like...they really put effort into things and held me like they meant it and I didn't remember any of this until today and it freaked me out a little bit. I actually had real feelings for this person and I obviously blocked all that out until today...I guess because of the situation it was but still. What if I've had these feelings all along and like never really got over this person? I don't know, its a really weird thought because i don't know, i guess because of who it is and I never really thought anything of this person lately until today. I'm sure this doesn't make a lot of sense to anyone else but whatev, lol.

"what if I wanted to break? laugh it all of in your face? what would you do? what if i fell to the floor, couldn't take this anymore. what would you do?"

I will lie awake, lie for fun and fake the way I hold you, let you fall for every empty word I say

I'm tired of sketchy people. I'm tired of them hurting people. Why do you do it? I mean I completely understand if you are just out to "get some" so to speak as long as the other person is okay with it being that way. But why do you feel the need to make them feel like there is more there than there really is? Why do you kiss on them and hold them the way you do? Why tell them personal things and how pretty they are and how much they mean to you if it really means nothing in the end? Maybe I just don't understand your thinking process. I'm just tired of being at the other end of the spectrum. I've never been the actual sketch, just the sketch-ee so to speak and the same goes for my closest friends. Nobody wants to be fucked and held through the night with tiny kisses caressing their body and the slow movements of your hand running down our side without it being real. I've never met one person who does. If you don't feel that way towards me than fine but DON'T treat me as if you do. I'm not say hop on it and then go chat it up on myspace like some of you do but don't make me feel like you have something there for me when you don't. It hurts. Especially since YOU "certain people" of all people should know how that feels to be treated that way. I just want you to mean it or let me go.

i love you so much, do me a favor baby don't reply cause i can dish it out but i can't take it

Ah! Chris and I got to see mewithoutyou, thrice and... brand new! =D Of course I was wayy excited but I wish my becca was there! The show was awesome and I've NeVeR been so packed at a show in my life but it was soo goooood. I don't know why but I absolutely love the rush of being in the middle of hundreds of people screaming lyrics at the top of their lungs and jumping up and down and going crazy. Its the one of the best feelings in the world. Its like you're all pissy at all the jack asses and little 12 year old kids that are there ruining the night but once that one band you're overly excited to see comes on its as if you're all best friends all of a sudden. Nobody thinks about it and you lose all your thoughts other than whats in front of you singing their hearts out. Ugh, i love it!

people would stop to hold their heads heavy

I didn't have time to update this last night because I was so sleepy so I'll do it now. Yesterday was pretty good. I got the job at Bowmans and I start next Wednesday so that's exciting. I'll now have money in a couple of weeks and be able to pay for cvp, my car, rent, credit cards. Ah, it will be nice.
Chris' Fall Wind Ensemble concert was last night and he did really good. Aw, and he looked so cute in his tux with the little bow tie. I put the pics on his myspace.
I'm super excited for next friday though because becca informed me that bedlight is paying at the brewery! =D
Also, just in case I haven't mentioned this before but I'm so obsessed with Gossip Girl! Its so damn good! I always get addicted to one show once another ends, lol. Like at first it was My So Called Life then it was That 70's Show then it was America's Next Top Model which I do still watch and now Gossip Girl. I have all the episodes for these shows too! =X
Maybe I'm obsessed with a fairy tale life. Everything going wrong but still working out in the end..hm..eh. I need to be famous that's what it is, haha. I got it! I'll write a super sweet book and make lots of money from it! =P
Well that's all for now kids.

-xoxo

All we need is a little bit of momentum

So the xanga was gonna come back until becca made one of these and I have to say that I like this much better! This is definitely going to be my new online confessional. Here we go!
I've been in such a emo kid mood lately. I've been listening to music all day, i've been writing non stop, online and in my journal. And yes, I do have a journal. Always have and always will. Its how I release my stress.
But like i was saying, music music music! I found this super awesome song today to and I'm in love with it! --->

I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go.
These words are my heart and soul,
I hold on to this moment you know.
Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, that I won't let go.

Its beautiful and strong and meaningful and its perfect. Just like "Only One", I can listen to it over and over again and still feel the same way about it. It makes you want to scream and yell at the world "hey look at me! I'm right here and I fucking love you!" Ah, but I suppose I should stop being so me now and try and sleep.