call. break. it. off.

I have fallen for a guy who is absolutely amazing and I honestly feel like we just click and are meant to be in each other's lives but the timing is horrible. We fight like cats and dogs already over a lie that was whispered into his ear and there's nothing I can do to change it. I just have to let it be and let him believe and feel how he wants and treat me like I never meant anything to him though I know that's a lie. He wouldn't be reacting the way that he is if he didn't care however I was pushed from the point of tears to anger. After all the fighting and hateful words that were said on Friday night he turns around 2 days later  and says "I don't hate you and if you want to say hi here and there that's fine." Which I immediately flipped out about because I was so pissed and angry at him for being so hateful towards me. I honestly don't know that anyone has ever reacted this way towards me over a rumor. All I could say back was I would really like that and he said "k". Just when I had written him off he made a move for me to not forget him. I just want to scream at him and put all my frustration out on him for not trusting in me then I start to think about his eyes and smile and all the feelings come flooding back again. I go from being upset and angry to just wanting to show up at his door and kiss him.

always up or down, never down and out

I don't know why I let the people I care about get to me so much sometimes. That chapter in my life is officially closing and it sucks but I'm over it. Its sad that at 29 years old some people still can't manage to sort their feelings out and talk out their problems like adults. They would rather go off hear say then just speak to the person but you know maybe its better this way. I don't need that drama in my life anyways. With that being said, I have no regard for his feelings anymore and I will do and see and hang out with whoever I want, whenever I want. Fuck him. His Loss. Normal Jeska is back in action again. ;)

its called break up, cause its broken

Seriously, I don't understand how one person could affect me so dramatically. I mean, yeah, if it were a long term thing it would make sense but it wasn't! I'm all emotionally exhausted and stressed out about someone I barely dated for very long yet cared way too fucking much about and I seriously hate this feeling. The feeling of never winning at this point in my life. Everything is working against me. Ugh. Fuck life these last 10 months, fuck you.