happiness is everything :)

I have never had someone do what you did last night. That meant so much to me that you are willing to give it up. You know how much you hurt me by doing that because you read it in my emails but you definitely took a step that I really didn't think you were going to take to fix it. I know she's pissed, really pissed but its just too much. I can't deal with all of that again. Nothing made me feel like you loved me as much as you do, until you did that last night and I am very grateful. You are the best I could of asked for and more. I love you mister and can't wait to be there with you.

and its taking its wear..

Ugh, not only do I think about it constantly but I have to dream about it too! The first one was just some person in general and it made me sad but not that big of deal. But this last one I just had was awful awful awful. Everything that could of happened and gone bad did. Samantha was the slutty bitch as expected and he just kept doing it. Kept going on and on and nothing I said or did mattered until finally I got mad enough that I through her out of the room and got on top of him. Then and ONLY then did I have his attention. I'm so pissed and angry right now and I know I really shouldn't be but I can't help it. It just feeds to my fire and makes it worse! It would probably help if I could talk to his ass and resolve some of these issues but I haven't heard a word from him all week, I'm sure when I finally do it will end badly and into a huge argument but one that is seriously needed to take care of all this shit. I'm so over feeling like this. I've done it long enough before and I'm not going to let it happen again. This time I'm going to make sure its taken care of.

while my mother waters plants my father loads his gun

Today was so disappointing. I went through all that effort for really nothing. I mean I got some stuff done but I didn't get what I really wanted done because "people" are retarded and wouldn't let me/us. So I have to wait until the 26th and hope that maybe MAYBE I will get to see what I wanted too FINALLY. I'm just so impatient and I can't stand waiting for anything but everyone knows that, lol.

So the movers are coming the 27th and then I'm off to Hawaii on the 28th of this month which is exciting but sad at the same time. I'm really only going to miss like 3 people..maybe 4 but that's it. I'm ready to move on and start a new life, I just wish I could drag those 3-4 people with me. I know one is going to be especially hard to say goodbye to but I don't want to think about that yet. =/ I'll be in touch though because I'm sure I'll be out of my mind until Erik is done coming and going so much. At least if they'll ever come see me or want to go on vacation they will have a place to stay. I'll have a free round trip ticket soon enough so maybe they can fight to the death for it. lol.